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Nov 29, 2014

My Unabridged Christmas Wish List

It's that time of year when family is always asking what I want for the holidays. My birthday, Christmas, and anniversary all fall in December so it's gifting overload (Christmas in July or mid-summer unbirthday gifts could really even out this troubling first world problem).

I really don't think I am that difficult to buy for, yet I have a hard time giving ideas each year. This year, I've captured what I really want. Here is my Unabridged Christmas Wish List...

1. A Doggie Translator
I would like a device that can translate English to dog language. I would like to be able to tell my dog that the ear drops we are using are really expensive so she needs to stop moving around while we try to drop them in. I would also like it to translate "please stop begging, your cute face will not get you a piece of this bacon." This device is small... this can go in my stocking. Thanks!
Actually featured: Language Global Digital Talking Translator

2. Waterproof Hairspray
The second item on my wish list is waterproof hairspray. I would like to be able to walk around in the Seattle rain after blow drying and straightening my hair and have my hair stay perfectly in tact. Think of this like the spray I put on my boots each year, but for your hair. Obvi the spray can't be damaging or make my hair look stiff (or smell bad). If Sephora doesn't have it maybe check Aveda?
Actually featured: Big Sexy Hair Volumizing Hairspray

3. Jet Pack
I'm really sick of sitting in traffic or waiting for my bus, making a jet pack a really practical gift. In the end, this one really benefits the giver of this gift as I promise not to be late anywhere when traveling with this on my back. Can you check to see if it also comes in pink?
Actually featured: Star Wars Jango Fett Inflatable Backpack

4. Hangover-Proof Wine
If you are going to get me a bottle of wine this holiday season (really original of you), at least know that I will enjoy it. I will likely pour one glass, put it back in the fridge, then go back and finish the entire bottle. I would prefer not to feel the aftermath of your gift the next day so please make sure that your gift of wine is hangover-proof. 
Actually featured: Fifty Shades of Grey Wine Set (Yes this does exist! So bonus points if your hangover-proof wine comes with Mr. Grey himself.)

5. Fat Free, Sugar Free, Carb Free, Zero Cal See's Candy
There is always a box of See's under the tree for me. I don't want to change the tradition, I would just like a different box of candy this year. I want the fat free, sugar free, carb free, zero cal box and I want it to taste exactly the same. Please make sure there are enough scotch mellows and dark chocolate truffles to keep me satisfied for a few days. I would like a full pound box, so unlike the doggie translator this likely won't fit in my stocking. In the chance that I eat the entire box in a day, I would like to feel zero remorse. I might even let you have a piece... maybe.
Actually featured: The 2,240 calorie Holiday Fancy box of See's that I will likely finish by myself by New Year's Eve.

6. A True Miracle Bra
This isn't the miracle bra you heard about in the eighth grade. This miracle bra is comfortable, self washing (because who has time for that), padding and under wire free, and still gives you the chest of a Victoria's Secret model. Make sure to order this one soon as once it hits Oprah's Favorite Things it will fly off the shelves.
Actually featured: Caramel Cantina Extreme Push up Bra (aka modern torture device)

No matter how nice I was this year, I'm not counting on Mr. Claus to show up with anything on this list in his sleigh. Now you can't tell me that I didn't at least give you a list of what I really want.

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