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Jan 4, 2015

A NYE "Crisis"

As part of my holiday traditions, I go after-Christmas shopping with my mom. This year, I was in the mood to get a really fun NYE dress, despite our plans being fairly casual this year. I realized I hadn't bought a dress I absolutely LOVED since prom and it was about time to change that.

On NYE, we were supposed to be at our friend's place at 9pm. Let me lay out the timeline of the serious first world crisis that began to unfold...

8:00 pm - I put on my dress and parade around the house self-impressed. I run to the other room so my boyfriend can tell me how great I look in my new smoking hot outfit.

8:05 - I look in the mirror again and notice my hip is protruding. For a hot second I'm about to Web MD my terminal hip tumor until I realize that it's the security tag still on the dress (that yes, I did pay for at Macy's). I think through my closet and realize the only other good NYE dress I have is the one I wore last NYE and I'm not about to have a Groundhog Day.

8:07 - I look at the clock and realize I could have time to make it to Macy's and back in time to make it to the party. I proceed to call every Macy's in a 25 mile radius to see if they are open. No. It's NYE, none of them are still open.

8:15 - As always, I call my mom to get some advice. She's at a concert and instead of ignoring my call because she's busy, she picks it up and holds it up to the music so I can hear how fantastic the symphony sounds. Not helpful.

8:17- I call one of my best friends who attempts to talk me off the ledge. By the end of the chat we decide that my best course of action is to cut the entire security tag out of the inner slip, hope the dress holds up for the night, then take it back and bitch about the mistake they made until they give me a new one.

8:22 - I realize that I have a genius boyfriend who, in general, is good at fixing things. We walk through the options and he pulls up YouTube. It ends up there are hundreds, if not thousands, of videos online on how to remove this thing. Special shout out to my man denzelmccook718 and his video "How to pop open Macy"s ink tag" (warning it's VERY explicit), but you have to love the climax of this 1:19 video where he pops off the tag and presents his new hat..."damn, wala, I got polo b*t%h". You go Glen CoCo. 

8:28 - Anyway, after watching a few videos my boyfriend decides this is his best course of action unless he wants to bring in the new year with a grumpy beast. I take the dress off and he gathers his supplies, a lighter and a steak knife. I can barely watch as he lights the thing on fire and then scrapes out the gel. I also think I got on an early buzz on from the smell of the burning plastic. Cheap date as always.

8:35 - Crisis averted. The tag is removed, my dress is back on, and I am officially ready to ring in the new year with the world's best boyfriend.

9:00 - It's party time. Happy New Year!

Dress: Adrianna Papell

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